What does Being Alone truly mean?

Is it that feeling when you're talking to some one that matters, but all you can feel is white noise?

Is it the reason those  tears are trickling down your cheek on a day you feel is going on pretty well compared to yesterday, then why the tears?

Is it that feeling of "being invisible" when you need someone to actually see you for who you are and what you stand for?

Is it that state when everything and everyone around you are moving the way they are supposed to be accept you at times are moving opposite to it and worse at times standing still?

Is it that facade of everything pink, blue, or like a rainbow cake gorgeous to the core covering up everything that probably is just a regular brown day?

Is that feeling of detachment to everything when you hit rock bottom and begun to scrape the ground beneath that bottom because coming back up just doesn't feel the place to be anymore?

No one can truly know what is is to be 'Alone', one can be surrounded with people an still be alone. I dunno if being alone is any of the above, but something I have welcomed with arms wide open. Being alone for me isn't something despondent, it's just what it is 'Alone.'....with myself! And one needs to be lucky to have been given this opportunity in life because I always believe in life to move forward one needs to know you're true self, the good and the dark side. To make peace with your past and all its mistakes. To unburden that baggage one has been carrying all these years .....to really accept who you are and your failures. 

Only when someone is truly Alone, one can meet the real you! Your needs, wishes, desires and fears unfolds. From then Life is so much more simpler & clearer. And being alone will never ever be your kryptonite. At least it isn't mine anymore and all I can do now is move forward with my loved ones or only by myself it doesn't matter! 

What does Being Alone truly mean?

Is it that feeling when you're talking to some one that matters, but all you can feel is white noise?

Is it the reason those  tears are trickling down your cheek on a day you feel is going on pretty well compared to yesterday, then why the tears?

Is it that feeling of "being invisible" when you need someone to actually see you for who you are and what you stand for?

Is it that state when everything and everyone around you are moving the way they are supposed to be accept you at times are moving opposite to it and worse at times standing still?

Is it that facade of everything pink, blue, or like a rainbow cake gorgeous to the core covering up everything that probably is just a regular brown day?

Is that feeling of detachment to everything when you hit rock bottom and begun to scrape the ground beneath that bottom because coming back up just doesn't feel the place to be anymore?

No one can truly know what is is to be 'Alone', one can be surrounded with people an still be alone. I dunno if being alone is any of the above, but something I have welcomed with arms wide open. Being alone for me isn't something despondent, it's just what it is 'Alone.'....with myself! And one needs to be lucky to have been given this opportunity in life because I always believe in life to move forward one needs to know you're true self, the good and the dark side. To make peace with your past and all its mistakes. To unburden that baggage one has been carrying all these years .....to really accept who you are and your failures. 

Only when someone is truly Alone, one can meet the real you! Your needs, wishes, desires and fears unfolds. From then Life is so much more simpler & clearer. And being alone will never ever be your kryptonite. At least it isn't mine anymore and all I can do now is move forward with my loved ones or only by myself it doesn't matter! 

Instagram, Selfies and everything social in a Supermommy's Life!

We took a weekend trip to a beautiful resort located at the outskirts' of Bangalore. This was a gorgeous place with colors of spring all around us. Once I was done clicking some beautiful pics of the place, my 4yr old with a casual attitude checks if I have sent the pics to the family Whatsapp group or uploaded it on my Instagram. With disbelief bordering on shock I wondered whether I was raising a social media savvy kid and How much has social media impacted our life!! For a parent Social media is a boon in many ways. 

With the rise of nuclear families, young parents find it easy and convenient to seek help from like minded couples who have been there & still doing that. Being a part of WhatsApp mom groups, Facebook moms and parent group is such an important part of our life as parents. Its a go -to when you need that timely advice, which is helpful especially during odd hours where getting a doctor would take time. Also the knowledge that another mother is going through this or has experienced something similar assures you that you aren't alone.  

But for a child the impact of social media plays out quite differently. For kids below the age of 6 social media may seem like a norm. Whether it's recording Dubsmash videos with parents, or seeing their pics on their parents Instagram or Facebook to watching cartoons or nursery rhymes on YouTube all seems nothing out of the ordinary to them. For example my daughter loves to Skype with her Uncle in the US. We also send out voice recordings of her birthday wishes to cousins, uncles and aunt we don't meet regularly. These are few social media tools that we as parents have unconsciously introduced her too.  

Though for  tweens and teens social media is such important part of their social structure.Kids this age use social media to stay connected with their peer group. Social media platforms like Whatsapp are created on common interest like dance, theatre or even on a project. Facebook to has closed groups that are formed based on similar likes and tastes. 

Latest craze amongst youngsters and young adults are following Vlogs of people on YouTube who dedicate their channel on a particular interest which can range from baking, learning a new language, makeup, critic reviews on TV series to even DIY projects. This is something that my daughter can take advantage of once she reaches that age i.e. using this medium to enhance her creativity and increase her knowledge . She already requests me to show videos on things she learns at school for example the solar system, how does rocket work, to simple topics like wild animals. 

Social media tools help introverted kids to interact with the peer group than a one-on-one situation.Using social media constantly can negatively influence young minds. They are susceptible to cyber-bullying, sexting, Facebook depression, body image insecurity etc. All these if left unchecked can lead to serious depression, isolation and even suicidal tendencies.Social media can be addictive, young kids are obsessed with the constant need to check their Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts. 

The 'likes' one gets in their pics or how many of their friends are following them on Instagram seem to be play a very important role in being accepted among the peer group. Such compulsive checking can disrupt their concentration with school work, sports, recreation activities that they should be pursing at this age. 

 Also many social media tools display various ads in form banners, behavioral ads and also demographic ads targeted at certain age, gender etc. This influences adolescents buying behavior and what they perceive as normal. It's important to educate parents, adolescents and children about how ads can easily manipulate them. Teaching them to be media-literate and responsible consumers is essential.When it comes to  parenting how much social media has impacted us solely depends on how we as parents use it. 

Whether we are sharing information of our child we are genuinely proud off  to random, everyday mundane stuff that happens in every household is our call to make. Also there are couples who wish their spouses on their special days like anniversaries, birthdays on Facebook and I can't fathom the fact these are people who live together and see each other daily, yet yearn to use an App to convey their feelings. 

Is this what we want our children to learn and practice as well!!Do keep in mind, with power comes great responsibility we are responsible for the kind of digital footprint we leave in this world. Once on the internet forever on the Internet!  Social media today has revolutionized the way we connect as humans with our world, using it to our advantage and to enhance our learning and knowledge is the quintessence that is needed.

A lot of people use social media to share mundane things or for self-glorification. I try to use it to share interesting things with people. Ashton Kutcher
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/ashtonkutc569069.html?src=t_social_media

A lot of people use social media to share mundane things or for self-glorification. I try to use it to share interesting things with people. Ashton Kutcher
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/ashtonkutc569069.html?src=t_social_media

A lot of people use social media to share mundane things or for self-glorification. I try to use it to share interesting things with people. Ashton Kutcher
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/ashtonkutc569069.html?src=t_social_media

A lot of people use social media to share mundane things or for self-glorification. I try to use it to share interesting things with people. Ashton Kutcher
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/ashtonkutc569069.html?src=t_social_media

My midnight letter to my daughter!!

My baby,

This is one of my mails to you that I promised myself to write whenever I can, preferably everyday and I will fwd it to you one day when you are grown up and are able to understand everything I'm sharing with you.

You just fell asleep and I sat... recalling the day, the fun we had together, how we danced and played silly with your dolls. How we painted and made funny faces.....but what stood out the most about today is.....how I hurt you, you were your usual stubborn self and I lost my patience as always with you and ended up hitting you. At that moment I become so wild with you and end up being my worst self. You deserve so much more from me and nothing ever like this. This is my problem and I'm changing it and I will fix it. I'm trying different methods to communicate with you without raising my hand. If someone were to hit me like I hit you..as an adult it would hurt me, anger me and disrespect me....I can't imagine what it does to you who has been in this world only for 3.5 yrs....compared to someone who's been for 35. I want to be better than this... even while it's so difficult for me to move away from how I have been raised and corrected while I was a kid, I want to be a good mother...a mother who you don't listen to out of fear, but one who you listen to because you love to and more than anything because you wholeheartedly want too. 
If I can accomplish that then I would consider being deserving of your love. Thank you for giving me the reason, the motivation to be a better person to be a better human being just like You! 

Love Mummy! 

Being Intolerant or Tolerant or just Confused!!

Yes this is about the whole "Intolerant India" rant and boo ha that's going around. But seriously I'm a little bit confused to whether I find India Intolerant of Tolerant, the lines are so blur or I'm just a dimwit who's not able to get this new concept....well im trying to keep myself updated with what's happening in the world in between the numerous Supermommy chores that never seem to end. 

So now is being intolerant means something like how people are lactose intolerant hence can't have anything to do with lactose ....so that means one is Intolerant toward India means they can't stand India. But then if I can stand India but still not be happy with lots of stuff happening in the country then what am I.....Selectively Intolerant toward India. 

Hmmm......I think getting a toddler potty trained is much easier than this and trust me potty training is freaking difficult. 

Let me try it this way.... What am I intolerant towards my Country or let's stick to my city because obviously that's where I live right. I wake up every morning or at least most mornings to either the street dogs barking away to glory...probably they have their own intolerant issues who knows...or they just pissed off with the BBMP guys who have stopped neutering them anymore....or are having a complete rave party to the bags and bags of garbage laying out because you know....its Namma Bengaluru here garbage gets removed like once in a week or was that a month. 

And then it's the usual saga of getting food ready, getting my daughter ready to school, with some few sneaked in conversations to my hubby who is usually part happy part grumpy self every morning....guess he has his intolerant issues as well....the fact that he has to drive all the way to work in that war zone I call Bangalore Traffic....trying to avoid potholes that are camouflaged with previous day's rain water, or trying not to hit the rider in front who suddenly realized there one of these death holes in front of her...some aunties I tell you...they have the reflex of a hunting animal.. so quick they are in turning the direction of their vehicles, which in such situations is helpful I think...

Yes and then my daughter and I are ready to leave to school where she is securely strapped into her car seat...after our routine argument that she doesn't need to sit in it because she watches so many other kids who dont seem to be sitting in one and also sit in the front seat next their parents....I try my best to slip my way out of that conversation well how can I explain the fact that there isn't really a rule by law that kids need to sit securely strapped to a car seat....so I tell her that she has to sit in it because it's the safest place to sit in....but I can sense this question and debate of how other kids get to experience such freedom in car or even go on a bike is coming back to bite me in the rear. I also have something on my side to support me to get her to sit in the car seat every time I drive....remember the death holes, and the quick re flexed aunties and uncle or the "we need to get somewhere more than you" auto guys or cab guys!! Well I usually have her at "potholes"!! 

And so the tolerant me or intolerant me ( still haven't decided) drops off the lil one and gets back home....to sit back with me cuppa coffee and enjoy the peace at home....and I hear my neighbor ranting away to her hubby about how she not able to get any work done whole morning.....and I'm wondering what's her deal....wonder what she being intolerant about. I just had to check and I realize there hasn't been electricity for more than 2hrs.....Well thanks to my UPS I dint even notice it. But here this poor lady is wondering what to do with half ground masala for the Biryani and the half washed clothes laying in the washing machine. I assure the sulking Mom that she may want to give it a hour or so and the electricity will find its way home. 

And thus I'm back on my couch sipping this amazing coffee I picked up in Singapore....ahh Singapore I drift back to my third visit to that place recently ..... By now I have had the MRT map all on the tip of my fingers. Local transport there is just amazing...that I really haven't found going around Singapore ever a hassle. So well connected and easy....you could cross the road at the designated spots and no one would hassle you to move it and even cars would slow down to let you cross. Back home there are high chances of getting hit...or running across the zebra crossing before some "accelerator happy" fool jumps the signal. 

Also I wonder how I never came across even one cleaner/worker on the road cleaning the roads during peak hours or even at 8.00 am but still roads looked like though Singapore has a tie up with Santa's Elves because everything look litter free. 

As I sip my yummy coffee I can't help bursting out into a laugh...I remember how our fellow couple friends traveling with us in Singapore....despite my warning were sipping on some smoothie ( well of course Singapore has its heat) at the MRT station...there are warnings put up every where that drinking and eating in an MRT and at the station isn't allowed.....but then probably they felt we are thirsty and hell no one is watching....which is true because we could not see anyone... no security guard or a law enforcing agent at sight. The min their mouths took a sip into those yummy smoothes...poof appeared a guy from no where and politely he said sorry you can't drink this here.....just hold on to it till you leave the station. And as the two shook their heads and quietly placed back their drinks securely hidden away from sight....my husband and I were wondering how the hell did they know and from where did he come from.....and we look at numerous cameras stealthily watching us from all directions. I believe one MRT station has around 600-700 cameras can you beat that. Back home we too have security cameras....I'm sure half of them are working...which do capture laws and rules being broken...but what's missing...no one popping out  from nowhere and enforcing the rule being broken...hmm...I wonder why!!!

And so as I move onto about the the pros and cons of moving to another place....the reason well maybe this should explain it....During my last trip to Dubai...I heard my Aunt advise my overworked and underpaid, highly educated cousin sister....my aunt said and I quote " I want her to quit that job...because I have not brought up my daughter with so much love and dignity to see her struggle like this because of someone else....she deserves way more than this and that's what she should work towards and not be getting such a raw deal in life"!!

And I wonder... don't my family and I deserve the same...don't we deserve a better life with good facilities...a infrastructure that is reliable and where you don't have to lead every day saying "swalpa adjust Maadi" no I don't want to adjust...well I don't hear the government saying Oh you couldn't pay your tax it's ok we will adjust! I don't see women feeling safe when they go out...worrying every day if my daughter is safe at school... of course we are lucky that we aren't being killed or being bombed and have to flee to a foreign country. But is that what we have based our life on....on how worse things can be and that we are better off than that. 

Why can't we dream of having better facilities....just basic better facilities...is it too much to ask good roads, clean environment...effective public transportation. Better education facilities..touch law enforcement.  These are available in so many countries and so much more....

I still dunno if I can define myself as intolerant or tolerant....I am just Opinionated like many others. In the end all we have are our opinions .....which seem to help in my Moms group( thank god) but not when it comes to how life can be better in our Country!!

I think someone should have just kept a diary instead of opening up to her actor husband....

Being Deserving!!

.....Its an early day tomorrow, but as I lie in my bed sleepless at 5.00 Am wondering about.. how most of the time I  take alot of things for granted.


No! Its not even that, its about how petty some things seem to be when the fear of something worse can happen creeps into my paranoid mind.

Those arguments over..now which seem like trivial issues with my hubby.
Those plans of buying stuff or were to go this weekend.
Those insecurities I let myself feel as a wife, as a mother, as a woman.
Being at times inflexible with my parenting methods or being a bit too strict with my lil one.
Those inabilities or failures from my past.
Every single thing I usually fight over in my mind about me that isn't good enough.
Those ridiculous do s and don'ts  I subject my little one too.
All these just seem crap such a waste of this beautiful life I have been gifted. Why cant I feel like this every time? Why cant i be content and happy and satisfied with who I am.

This is not just about acceptance of who I am and what I have in my life....but beyond that, its about embracing what's given to me...with so much love. Its about being deserving of these beautiful gifts...beautiful relationships...
Every night I pray and thank this divine power for thinking I deserve this kinda happiness in my life.


Today I realised I had to add another sentence to my prayer....its promising to be that person everyday who deserves to enjoy these wonderful experiences as a Wife, Mother ...daughter..a woman etc. Respecting its value.


Everything given to me is for a reason and I need to live every day proving to myself that I deserve to keep this....and nothing else is more important than the people I love in my life and everything else in between is just white noise.

The journey of rejection, frustration and tears to HOPE!

I'm not gonna start with the usual “My life was like this….” Or “ I was so fed up…..”rants! There's no need of that now and it's all in the past so will come right to what I wanna share and it is about these 4 little Ds that helped me to get where I am with my struggle with my weight.



The Ds that took me through my toughest phase:



Decision:



Nothing can change if you can't decide to make that change and when I say decide I mean like no more procrastination…..get that ass up and get to it. Your word has to have value, by saying “ I'm gonna workout from tomorrow or say I'm going to be better with my food choices from now on” but still stick to your usual self who are you lying to ..... no one but yourself.  As I read something once


“You can change for the better only when your will to change is stronger than the your will to be average or same”.


This decision happened to me 2yrs back and the very next day I registered for a 5k marathon and everything else is history and haven't looked back from then.



Determination/ Dedication:



This all comes down to your will power. As a mother I feel at time certain feelings or emotions are heightened than before not sure if others feel it. Before I was quiet a determined person but after becoming a Mom I found these super human power of determination and dedication in areas I felt very strong about. Many a times I have failed and given in to temptation or laziness but I have always tried to jump back on track with my inner voice taunting me of the first D the decision I made to change.



Discipline:



This is something we even teach our kids, discipline in every area. Then why is it tough for us  to follow it when it comes to our health. Anything and everything in life requires discipline. Disciple is for me is not about being rigid in my choice but being practical. Making the right choices that works for you and sticking to it. But also not going over board and pushing oneself with crazy diets and skipping meals. Being honest and realistic is the need here.





Diet:



It's wasn't until recently that I realised how important one's nutrition is for your overall success of reaching your goals. I had a lipoma surgery at two places on my thigh after this I couldn't workout for two months ( HIIT was what I was doing before surgery and that was something to be avoided at all costs). I could feel the fear of putting on weight all over again creep in. But I made up my mind to beat it and took it up as a experiment to prove whether the theory that 70% of our weight loss comes from what we eat and 30% is the workout.


And I'm not kidding it really did….with just 15-20 mins walk each day…I controlled my portions, ate very sensibly. Had my cheat days too. My body is reacts more to vigorous workouts like HIIT. Walks just help to an extent but really doesn't help me lose fat which I have noticed before too. So the weight loss I did experience then was everything to do with my food. I took this new found lesson and put it into practice even after I was able to get back to my regular workouts.






Here you have my dear Ds that I swear by till date. They are so interconnected one can't work without the other. The biggest and most important I have learnt in this journey is to never give up and it can be done.


I am sharing this to who are in the state I was two years back….even if I can help anyone 1-2 %,  I will consider it great. If this gets you to start your weight loss journey from today…..wow that would be such an awesome gift that you can give yourself.



Do remember not to get carried away with the Kgs and pounds that you lose or gain. Though I lost lot of Kgs the shocking part is my body fat percentage is still not in the acceptable range. And that's what I'm working towards being healthy with a healthy BMI and body fat percentage and increasing my endurance and strength. This is a life long commitment I intend to keep. And I'm sure many of you feel the same and all the best to that….keep the faith and don't lose hope.







PS: here's a .....pic thought it may help those who need to see to believe :)