My baby,
This is one of my mails to you that I promised myself to write whenever I can, preferably everyday and I will fwd it to you one day when you are grown up and are able to understand everything I'm sharing with you.
You just fell asleep and I sat... recalling the day, the fun we had together, how we danced and played silly with your dolls. How we painted and made funny faces.....but what stood out the most about today is.....how I hurt you, you were your usual stubborn self and I lost my patience as always with you and ended up hitting you. At that moment I become so wild with you and end up being my worst self. You deserve so much more from me and nothing ever like this. This is my problem and I'm changing it and I will fix it. I'm trying different methods to communicate with you without raising my hand. If someone were to hit me like I hit you..as an adult it would hurt me, anger me and disrespect me....I can't imagine what it does to you who has been in this world only for 3.5 yrs....compared to someone who's been for 35. I want to be better than this... even while it's so difficult for me to move away from how I have been raised and corrected while I was a kid, I want to be a good mother...a mother who you don't listen to out of fear, but one who you listen to because you love to and more than anything because you wholeheartedly want too.
If I can accomplish that then I would consider being deserving of your love. Thank you for giving me the reason, the motivation to be a better person to be a better human being just like You!
Love Mummy!
